Peace

Peace is such a beautiful thing. In this world of so many choices, there are times I am unsure of which is the right to make. We all have free will and I love that God did not create me to be His robot but instead loves me in spite of my imperfectness. He chooses to love me when I walk down the wrong road, He loves me regardless. I think right up there with His love and grace is one of the greatest gifts He gives, His peace. It is His way of affirming us. Peace can act as a compass for choices we have to make. Peace is like a fresh breath of air. I can get so anxious about walking through a new door, change is hard for me. There were so many emotions going into me working and getting this job that it was hard for either Aaron or myself to truly feel that peace I am talking about. However we both knew that one of us needed to get that part time job and this was the door that opened. So we walked through it. Both praying and asking God to be there. (This is a picture of peace. My precious Baby Boy sleeping at 5 days old.)

Last night was my first day at work. All day long my nerves were twisted. Will I look okay? Will they like me? Will anyone be mean to me? Will I say something stupid? Will they judge me? Laugh at me? I felt like it was the first day at a new school. Something beautiful happened last night. Peace happened. I walked up the steps to work, walked through the door and was greeted. I was greeted with the ladies I am working with being welcoming. I heard things like, "Yeah, I am SO excited you are finally here." I even got a, "You look so cute.". And the store director says to me, "Now I can finally do this." as she gave me a hug. There was lots to learn and lots more I have to learn. I think I will always be learning with this job and I love that. The peace was amazing. As the night wore on I could feel my nerves untwisting. I of course missed my family but I know by working, I am still serving them. I enjoyed myself and even laughed some.

Just wanted to say a big, "Thank You" to all of you who prayed for me. That is actually what I thought about as I was walking in the door. It was comforting to know I had prayer warriors out there. My next night to work is Thursday. I don't expect every night to be like last night, I am sure I will have hard shifts. I just pray that most nights are like last night. And I really need God and His peace to stick with me...or that as I get more comfortable with working I don't forget to call on His name for strength and ask for that peace.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

He's Wonderful

There are times when Aaron overwhelms me with his creativity. Thursday was a day full of surprises. I was awakened by him playing the song we danced to at our wedding, Lonestar's song Amazed. He was already dressed. I figured he was being sweet before he had to go to work. Because I still thought he was working on our anniversary. He told me that he had already been to the gym and he had the day off. He said it was my time to get to the gym and I had to be home by 9. That is all the details I was given. So I put the control side of me aside. I got up and went to the gym. I started my day with a run which is my most favorite thing to do but it rarely happens. Such a treat. When I came home the house was clean. I was instructed to get in the shower. We had to be somewhere by a certain time. I had no idea where the certain place was. Again, the control part of me was wanting to come out. But I suppressed my inner control freak and allowed Aaron to give me this day. I got dressed and did my make-up, barely having enough time. I left the house with my hair wet and no idea where we were going. I honestly thought we might be going for a walk on the beach with the kids but had no idea.

Aaron had arranged for me to get my hair done. I have not been since December, for a trim or anything. It is easy to go so long for me since my hair is kind of like Marsha Brady, long and straight. However, I was way overdue. I have not even thought of making an appointment because it is quite pricey and I have not wanted to spend that money on myself. But between you and I, I really wanted it done with me starting a new job and all. Well, Aaron and the kids walked me in and he had set up everything for me. So sweet. I think I had perm-a-grin the whole time I was there. Yes for being there. But more than that, my husband knew my needs and surprised me. Aaron also thought enough to bring me a yummy coffee while I was there. I felt so incredibly special. While I was getting my hair done, Aaron cleaned the house, got the kids ready for swim lessons and took Tay to swim lessons.

After swim they picked me up and we headed home. I still had no idea what laid ahead for the rest of the day. Aaron still would not tell me. We get home, to a clean house and I have a gift from Aaron and Taylor. Last Saturday Aaron took Tay to a pottery shop and they made me a coffee mug. It is precious to me, knowing they designed it. I am not even sure I feel comfortable using it because I don't want it to break. Knowing that Aaron was the only guy in the shop makes me giggle, especially when he told me that the shop also happened to be hosting a bridal party the same day. After I get my mug, Aaron tells me that he has arranged for a friend to come and watch the kids. He is taking me somewhere and I still have no idea where. I love that we go somewhere in the middle of the day so that we are home to do bedtime and dinner with the kids.

Aaron took me to downtown and we walked around holding hands. It is nice to walk as a couple and not as parents pushing strollers and holding little hands sometimes. He took me to Chino's, a fresh Mexican sort of place. We have been wanting to try it for some time but it is usually so busy. On this day it happened to be pretty quiet and we had a nice lunch. We walked around some more. Going into all the little shops. We talked to each other and just had a nice time. We came home after a few hours, got the kids and Maggie, and went to the beach. We walked around and looked at what happened to be the most beautiful sunset over the ocean. It was the perfect ending to a perfect day. I felt special. I am married to such a wonderful man. Oh, and he even took Friday off. Two days for our anniversary, so special. I am SO blessed.

Nine Years Ago

Nine years ago, I was up late like I am tonight. I was up late writing letters to each of my bridesmaids. Looking over my vows. Nervously awaiting the next day, my wedding day. I was up with Gina talking. Making sure everything was set and going over all the details of my Big day. The next day I married my boyfriend of two years. My love. The most romantic man. A man who loved Jesus and desired us to be a couple who would serve Him. A man who desired the best for me. Who always put his needs beneath mine. I married a man who made me feel safe...and so pretty. He could look at me and melt me. His touch sent tingles down my spine. What a beautiful day that was, when I married the love of my life. I remember like it was yesterday the butterflies in my tummy as the doors to the church opened and I stood waiting to walk to my groom with my Daddy beside me. The church was silent and Aaron and I locked eyes and there was peace. He smiled at me with tears in his eyes. He still smiles that smile at me. We promised forever to each other in front of a church full of our loved ones. (Picture is one we took about 10 years ago. We look SO young and thin! We don't have a scanner so forgive the flash spot on the picture!)

Tonight I am reflective on my relationship with this man. I feel like I really know what it means to love because of the love we share. It is deep and real. Nine years ago I promised forever. I feel that today I have a better understanding of forever and all that it entails. And that excites me. I look forward to growing old with this man. Over the past nine years we have gone through ups and downs in our relationship. And to me this is good...we are stable. We are honest, sometimes brutally. Through it all things have only gotten better...and some good things have remained the same. He is still the same man I fell in love with in that he still makes me feel like the 17 year old girl with a crush. He everyday kisses me like he loves me and this still gives me butterflies. He everyday puts my needs before his own. He still loves the Lord with all his heart and allows that relationship to be the anchor for ours.

There are elements to our relationship that have changed. The biggest being both the most challenging and the most rewarding and that is becoming parents. We knew we wanted children. I of course wanted five and then wanted to adopt a small country. And we would live on a farm and have cows as pets....so some things change. I also wanted our kids to be Rainy Day and Rose Flower. Some changes are good! Aaron everyday amazes me at the Father he is to our Babies. He is gentle and tender in the way he loves them. He again puts their needs first. He bends over backwards to ensure they are taken care of and happy. He is patient and takes time to teach them about Jesus. He does not shove his God down their throats but shares his relationship with them like it is so exciting, like you would share about one of your most favorite things. This is beautiful in the way I see Taylor really loving Jesus as her own. He is a great Father. And one thing Aaron has always said makes a great Father, even before we had kids of our own is a great husband. This is true of him.

Aaron. My love. You are my bestest friend and my lover. To have both in my husband is a dream come true. On top of that you are an amazing Father. Our family is another huge dream come true for me. Thank you for everyday loving me and caring for my needs. All my needs even little ones like making sure I have creamer for my coffee and get to the gym. Also that spiritually I am where I need to be. I am reminded of the summer I spent in Hong Kong and we set our watches to be in sink with an alarm each day. We prayed God to be the third strand of us. That with Him as our glue nothing would break us. This perhaps was the best thing we could do. We allowed God to be our foundation. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for telling me you love me everyday and for making it a point to kiss and touch me everyday. Thank you for holding my hand when we drive and take walks. Thank you for laughing with me everyday. I love laughing with you, it is absolutely one of my most favorite things. I am so excited that we have a lifetime left to love each other. I am excited for our future. I know that no matter what lays ahead with you by my side we can face it. If I could marry you again today, I would in a heart beat. I wouldn't be as nervous but I would be more excited. I would want to shout to all the people there how in love with you I was. Yeah for another nine years...another 100 years and marriage only getting better! Love you Baby.

(this is the song "Amazed" that we danced to at our wedding)

The Goodstuff

Details...for those of you waiting on pins and needles. I did in fact get a job. Part time at Sephora. I will be working in the evenings and on weekends. As much as Aaron or I working every day of the week does not sound appealing there is a good side. The good side is my kids are not in daycare but are with their Daddy and on weekends I will be out by 7ish on Saturdays and 6ish on Sundays. The negotiation part with them seemed to take forever. It was all about scheduling, pay, and playing phone tag. I think all the kinks are now worked out.

I am excited. And SO nervous. I am working 4 days next week, starting on Tuesday. So please pray for me. I will be wearing my all black gear again. The difference between Sephora and the Benefit counter is I have to wear all black shoes and black socks! Umm, I don't ever wear socks...unless I am working out and then they are short special ones that don't make my feet all sweaty and they don't show. I especially don't wear black socks! Working at Benefit I wore colorful shoes to spice up the all black top and bottom. So, Shannon...you sure are gettin' lots of shout outs on my blog...I think I will have to break down and buy a pair of Dansko's. I know they are better for my feet and back compared to my cutsie flats...but I swore I'd never wear them. Oh well, the nice thing is maybe the height will make me appear thinner...and my feet won't ache after I get off.

I am excited too that I get to still work with Benefit, since the store has a beautiful section:). I am also excited to get to know all the other lines. And to grow more in this field. And to be with all the women, most of which will be younger than me. I love that I get to build these relationships with these women...I miss the excitement and energy of my girls at the counter in Sacramento. Yeah...but did I mention I am SO nervous!!!

So if you could pray, here are a few specific requests:

-My family time would remain quality. That Aaron and I would hold on to everything we have gained as a couple and for our family in the last year and a half that I have not worked.

-As much as some aspects are going to be fun and exciting, I am working because we need the money. So pray that this will relieve not add to stress.

-The week long training I have to go to in November will go smoothly. And that I will be okay to leave the kids or if I am still nursing Tommy it will somehow work for him to come.

-On that note, nursing my son. I think we are ready to ween. Especially with me working at night, it is only fair that he learn to go to sleep without nursing. This is another bittersweet aspect of it all. He is such an active boy and nursing is the time we have to bond. He has began to cuddle more, so maybe this can replace it....

-I will be able to get in there and show them that I can do the job and that I am respectable. Hopefully this will give me a little flexibility in asking for days and hours as my family life can change. For example Taylor's soccer and Aaron's softball.

Thank you all for praying. I am excited for this chapter of my life. Of our life. But again SO nervous. Change is nerve wrecking. So if you remember pray. And praise God too that a door was opened.

Love This Picture

I know Tommy is thinking, "No Tigger you can't have a veggie stick until you say please!"

Coffee Talk

Coffee...I had too much too late. That and a lot on my mind. We moved here just over a year ago. In this time, God has done amazing things for our family. God opened doors that were meant for us to walk through and He gave us all the peace and strength to do so. We really relied on Him. Our quality of life, our family time is 100% different now. We take time to just be. To take walks. We explore our town...the beaches, trails, and downtown. We take time to be with each other. We sit at the table for meals together. There is once again change on the horizon. We knew that eventually one of us would need to get a part time job. We have prayed and both looked. The door for me has opened. After being told no with a job I wanted I have had 4 interviews and was offered the job today. It is bittersweet. Details are still in the works, I will share more when I know more. I am nervous to loose what we have gained as a family. I once again need God's peace and strength to walk through this door. (Picture is me with my "Gangsta" face, in my new free shirt from the farmer's market. These guys were nice enough to give it to me with two hip hop Christian CD's that are actually really good.)


I have realized how much when I rely on God for my strength, I have good strength. I am strong in what I believe. I have the strength to carry out my duties. I am confident that He will care for us. When I have not taken the time to allow Him to be my strength, I have fake strength, a strength that underneath is weak. I break easily, a comment hurts more than it should. I have little patience for my family. I put up a wall of this "toughness" that is just that, a wall. I don't want weak strength, I need that real strength from Jesus. Especially as there is change on the horizon. I am nervous. I want to do well with this change. I need us as a family to transition well. I need God to walk this road before me and come back to walk it with me. (Picture is of our two sleeping Babies. We love to just look at them when they sleep, so peaceful, so precious, especially when they are cuddling.)


On a slightly different note...My prayer time with Taylor has been amazing. As much as I thought it would be a time for me to teach her, she has actually taught me a great deal. She thanks God every time she prays for dying on the cross so we didn't have to. She thanks Him and tells Him how amazing it was that three days later He rose again. Wow! I don't pray that, or have gotten out of that habit. I pray for things like our future and our days. I ask for help and thank God for what He has done for us. Which is important but I have in a way forgotten the underlying "basics". She prays for whoever is having a birthday that day to have a happy birthday because everyday is some one's birthday. Her prayers are selfless. She is teaching me how to not be so selfish in my prayers. I am so thankful for her. (This picture is from last Friday. We met friends at the beach and played all day. Aaron watched Tommy so we could just have a day together. It was SO much fun!)

Thanks Auntie Holly

Our summer has been SO busy. I have tried hard to keep our schedule light but to make sure each day is fun. Today we had an unexpected surprise. Our neighbor knocked on our door with a bag full of fresh peaches from her backyard (anyone with a good peach cobbler recipe?). Yummy. As nice as that was, we had an unexpected surprise on our door. A huge box from Auntie Holly full of goodies for the kids. Thanks to our Montana family:) The kids were more than thrilled to have a box full of goodies on a fogged over summer morning! I took pictures to show you all. Tommy got a beautiful blanket, a hammer, and two wooden Little People (one is The Hulk and the other is Spiderman). So precious. The hammer happens to be the toy he plays with always in the toy isle. It makes noise when you bang it and he loves to hit everything, so perfect! Taylor got a precious pillow that was hand stitched with a beautiful flower by Auntie Holly. Tommy also got beautifully made cards by Cousins Hannah and Isiah. FYI I am working on creating a flicker account so that I can post pictures of our summer adventures but here are a few from our outing yesterday to a local beach... Thank you again Montana McFarland's, we will call you soon!

He is loving his new toys:)

The ocean, this particular beach is most of the time overcast. There was perfect views of Morro Bay and lots of tide pools to hunt for sea creatures. So fun. Shanny, I can't look at Morro Rock now without laughing out loud at how you and Aaron were running around it with 100 mph winds while the kids and I sat and literally rocked in the car!

Climbing the sand dunes, talk about a killer workout! Taylor had the energy to do this over and over. No wonder she has awesome leg muscles!

Tommy's favorite thing to do. He tastes everything! Not sure if his favorite thing is the tasting or just grossing Mommy out!

Don't be fooled...he played long enough for me to snap a picture and then was off to find the next thing to pop in his mouth!

Manly Manliness

That's right, I'm secure enough in my manly manliness that I can ROCK my Sissy's glasses ...

Do you feel lucky punk? Well, Do ya?

"MOM!!!"

I had to share these pictures of Tommy getting wet with the water hose on one of our warm days. They are too funny and if he could he would be screaming, "MOM, STOP!!!" I thought he would love getting wet with the water hose but he just kind of liked it. We were only getting wet for a minute but long enough for me to snap a few pictures.

"She is spraying me and I have no where else to run..."

"I'll just make a run for it!!!"

"The water is following me!!!"

Don't feel too bad for the little guy. I didn't put a swimmer on him so his regular diaper got soaked and super heavy. When I tore it off him to put it in the trash outside I realized there was a poopy in it. Soggy, wet, and poopy...nasty!

Moments

Today I had one of those overwhelming moments as a parent. Good overwhelming, brought to tears good. My drive time to the gym each day has been my prayer time. My pray out loud and just talk to God time. Well, with Taylor being home and her now coming with me on that drive I was not sure what to do. She has swim lessons each day at the gym so we are making this drive Monday-Thursday. I debated finding another time or bringing her on board. I went with the later, deciding to just see how it went. I really had no expectations other than to try it. So we began to pray on our drive. (Picture is from our girls only slumber party we had on Saturday night. The boys slept in our room and Tay and I did girl things like our nails and toes and slept on the futon mattress in the living room. Fun times!!)

Our prayer time has been amazing. It is a fun thing to do with her. We pray together other times but this has just become a special time for her and I and God...not sure why this surprises me since it has been amazing time for just me and God. The first couple of times I think Taylor was a little uneasy. She began a prayer with, "In Your name we pray." and reacted like she had messed up. I was able to teach her that there is no "messing up" when it comes to praying. And even though we usually end our prayers with "In Your name we pray." she doesn't have to. Just like every time we talk to each other we don't say the same things the exact same way we don't have to when we talk to Jesus either. This brought her comfort and more ease in praying. So our prayer time has been free flowing and fun...and precious.

Today we were running a bit behind. I have been trying to work out before swim since it seems to work the best. "My" time was already getting shorter and shorter so I was feeling like I just wanted to get there. Once we were buckled and on our way, Taylor asked Mom are we going to pray today before we had even gotten out of our neighborhood. I am thinking that, yes we should but I just feel like being quiet. I decide her idea is better than mine and we pray. (Picture is from swim class today. She has improved amazingly well. Definitely a better swimmer than her Mama!)

Before I get to the good part I need to give a little history on my morning. I applied for a part time job that I really wanted, but more than that we could really use the extra income. I guess it would be more fair to say I half wanted it because it would be fun and I half did not want it because where would I find the time and energy. So, I found out today that due to my limited availability (nights and weekends) they didn't have a position for me right now. However they think something may come up later and will let me know. Suck. Where do I go now? Where do I apply? Umm, God are you there? Why is it we instantly want to blame God when things don't go like we want...right now is the perfect time to sing Garth Brooks "Unanswered Prayers" song. I know I for sure am thankful that every prayer I have ever prayed has not been answered...but in the moment of "no" we whine.

So back to our prayer time. After a heavy sigh I pray. I ask God for direction. Ask God to be with Taylor and Tommy in Kids Club while I work out. That my work out will be effective. That Aaron will have a good day at work...going through all the motions while in my head wondering what the future is going to hold after this closed door.

Taylor's turn. Her prayer,"Dear God. Thank you for today. I know You knew the right decision for my Mom not getting the job she really wanted. Even though she wanted it. I know you knew what You were doing in making that decision because it is the decision I would make too. I like my Mom to be a stay at home Mom. I know she wanted that job but I am glad You decided for her not to get it. So thank you." This is ultra para-phrased her prayer was long and so precious. I was fighting back the tears so I could see the road and drive. When she was done I thanked her for a beautiful prayer. She said, "Mommy today my prayer was longer than yours. Do you know what it means to be a stay at home Mom?" I needed to hear her definition so I said no. She said, "It is when a Mommy can stay at home and take care of her kids and they can do fun things. And the Daddy can work to make money and take breaks but the Mommy takes care of the kids." I then told her glad I am to be able to stay at home with her and Tommy.

So we get to the gym, I get a quick work out in, get the kids and head to the pool. In the locker room I meet this woman who I have never seen before. She is so encouraging to me as a Mom. She told me how important my job was. How she hears Mom's say, I am just a stay at home mom. And how big that job is that there is nothing just about it. We talked a bit about the kids and their ages. As I was leaving she told me, "May you have extra energy today to do all that you need to do."

So today I feel renewed in my job as a stay at home Mom. I am confused as to where to go for a part time job. I wish there was a way for me to not have to but at this point I am not sure that is an option. God knows, I need to listen for his direction. Aaron is such an excellent provider and leader of this family. I need to also lean on him and his discernment. The burden on where to apply is one I need to relinquish to my God so that I am not burdened and blinded and miss how incredible my current job as a Mommy is.