The meek may inherit the earth, but not the swimming pool

So I've decided to take up swimming at the gym as my form of cardio. While the treadmill affords me the opportunity to watch ESPN on the TV mounted on the wall, watching talking heads discuss sports is only entertaining if you can also hear what they are saying. In this instance that requires headphones, an item I seem to continually misplace. Besides all of this is the practical evidence which suggests that swimming is a more pure, better cardio exercise than running. So off to the pool I go.

Lowering myself in the water I look off into the horizon at what I can only assume is the other side of the pool. Undeterred I push off with easy strokes wondering when the "exercise" begins to kick in. About 4 seconds later I come to the startling revelation why swimming is a better workout that running. Quite simply it comes down to one word: motivation. Swimming comes with its own form of dogged, persistent motivational tool. Survival, or more to the point, not drowning. If while on the treadmill I begin to taste what I can only assume is my spleen I can simply step off the machine; no harm, no foul. Swimming however does not afford that same luxury. If I wish to see the light of another day, I'd best make it to the other side.

That being said I began to fall into a swimmers stroke that can only be described as a half dog paddle half something else (as soon as it is identified I'll be sure to let you all know). I began to feel pretty good about my lap time until I was joined by a septuagenarian woman who weighed about 3 times her age. It wasn't 1/2 a lap before I watched her slice through the water passing me with the effortless strokes of someone who had obviously been doing this about a week longer than I had. Not to be out done I picked up the pace and finished my lap giving thanks to God in heaven that the time had come to remove myself from what was sure to become a watery grave should I stay in there any longer.

So when all is said and done, it is important to remember this one thing about swimming: in case of a water landing, your swimming trunks will NOT act as a flotation device.